"cuento" = short story

So I've always been interested in creative writing, specifically short story, and I'm finally taking a class on it. It's my favorite class here, and not only because my professor.. Doomingooo.. is the Spanish George Clooney (SO CHARMING!). It's been getting easier to understand Spanish, both written and spoken, and this class has been a big part of that. Every week we write a short story, utilizing the stylistic devices that we are learning about that week. The first short story I turned in was not very good, I'll be honest. I was still thinking in English and translating into Spanish, and many of my ideas/phrases were literally lost in translation. I was super bummed because I want to marry Domingo by the end of the semester, and thus I need him to like my writing. And, I would like to improve my short story savvy. 

Thus, I was incredibly excited when I got my second short story back and I got what I think translates to an A- (their grading is very different). It was a micro cuento (very short-short story). Here it is in Spanish and in English. Thoughts?

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"El Miedo Viejo"

Ella tenía miedo de los dientes. Mas específicamente, ella tenía miedo que los dientes se cayeran de la boca. Como todos miedos ilógicos, como películas en blanco y negro y máquinas de escribir, no estaba segura de donde provenía.

Cuando era niña, sus padres lo usaban para disciplinarla: "¡escúchanos o llamaremos la hada de dientes para robar todos los tuyos!" Ella siempre obedecía.

Para su día de cumpleaños, su novio le dio un collar con un diente de tiburón. Ella rompió con él inmediatamente.

Una noche, ella soñó con sus dientes. Eran tan débiles como tiza. Con horror, ella frotó la lengua contra los dientes, acumulando los pedazos y escupiéndolos como huesos de olivas. Al sentir sus encías suaves la llenaron con un miedo existencial.

Mientras ella soñaba, la mano del reloj continuaba a moviéndose, incesante al captuar cada próximo segundo, y terminó el día, con el sol detrás de los edifícios creando una vista que se parecía a dientes torcidos, en una boca infinita que tragará todo.

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"The Old Fear"

She had a fear of teeth. Specifically, she was afraid of her teeth falling out. Like all illogical fears, such as black and white movies or typewriters, she wasn't sure where it came from.

When she was a little girl, her parents would use it to discipline her. "Listen to us, or we'll call the tooth fairy to come and steal all your teeth!" She always obeyed.

For one of her birthdays, a boyfriend gave her a shark's tooth necklace. She broke up with him immediately.

One night, she dreamt about her teeth. They were as weak as chalk. With horror, she rubbed her tongue along her teeth, gathering the pieces in her mouth and spitting them out like olive pits. The feel of her soft gums filled her with an existential dread.

While she slept, the hand on the clock continued moving, relentlessly capturing each second, and the day ended, with the sun behind the buildings creating a view that looked like crooked teeth, in a mouth that would swallow everything.

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This is the first time that I've translated it into English, and it really does lose something in translation. I really love the Spanish language.

*Also, anyone who caught the Death Cab reference in the ending.. props.